Sunday Sayings

I am well pleased with this day. I left Eric’s apartment far before anyone else woke up. I thought PEC beckoned. Apparently, not checking the text messages people send carries with it consequences. But this morning I considered those consequences in a positive light: it offered me the time to complete a desired scripture study. The days feel like they possess more light than this depression and capitulation of the last month permitted. From Friday until now, I have just felt so full, so complete. I did not offer much in ward council, though I represented the elder’s quorum presidency. In priesthood, I conducted (which included selecting prayers and songs with short notice) and made a lot of comments during Bowen’s lesson on Elder Wirthlin’s talk about concern for the one, where God told me through Elder Wirthlin that he appreciates my unique quirkiness, my abnormalities. Ethan expressed his own appreciation for my appropriate comments about feeling different. I think I revel in it now. I go through the cycles. At times, most times in the past, all I saw was the isolation and loneliness, assumptions that I was outcast. Now I glory in my social infirmities, my divergent interests. I wish I had certain talents more refined than what they are at, but I believe Christ compensates for the areas in which I lack. I have room to grow and I know it. I am blessed to know what it feels like to exist out of the norm or group. And it permits me to add something dynamic, something unusual, something unexpected. And that contrary contribution harmonizes much more with the gospel than my general depression or willful rebellion.

In Sunday school, I shared far more contributions than usual as well. That’s one thing I really like about this ward: I have grown very comfortable sharing my insights. And I won’t lie, I like that people value them. That Ryan Scoffield would say he’s happy to have me in class before he starts teaching, that any of them do because they know I will say something and it will mean something to someone. I like that Brittney and Bree call me their favorite. That Andrea Jolley, came up to me at the end of one ward prayer and introduced herself to express appreciation for all of my voiced insights and comments in Sunday school—that she always learns something from what I say or add. Maybe that’s a spiritual gift, maybe that’s a talent God gave me.
The talk went well. It went long. If anyone can ramble and create the talk in the moment, it’s me. My outline was bare, but the spirit filled it. Bree’s compliment was the strongest to me because she ran up to express congratulations on a talk well done and then left to spend time with family. She went out of her way. A lot of compliments came by way of love notes. I think I will start unofficial love notes in the 56th ward. I think it will be fun. I enjoy my sense of humor, the ability to laugh at myself and recognize it for the enjoyment of others. I spoke on persecution, though I approached it more in a light of a specific form or type of chastisement, especially how it acts as a heritage of the saints or the faithful. I anchored in scriptures, my testimony, and the gospel. Different people took different things out of it. I guess that’s what happens when you talk for 30 minutes. I seriously love public speaking, or more accurately, teaching the gospel, especially at a pulpit with an indefinite amount of time. I voiced that love, and people responded that they thought that my talent matched my love. That meant a lot to me. I hope it directed someone to repent and try harder.

I think I’m ready to start radiating more, providing more service, sacrifice more time for others than myself. I know I need to maintain a healthy perspective and accomplish what I need to, but also remember sometimes that even C’s get degrees. Perhaps not the most perfect solution or the most calming to the financial nerves, but maybe a philosophy that will procure a more excellent way, offer the time and experiences necessary for the improvement and blessing of others beyond myself. I guess now it’s time to start getting ready for work. Back to the JSB. It’s interesting.