I never testify in my journal entries anymore. Failure to write them at all certainly proves both a constant and formidable barrier; however, when surpassing that hurdle, I tend to focus so much attention on insignificant details that I neglect the spiritual elements of the record. As I read through my bona fide mission journals, my heart occasionally years for more details. Yet, in the end, solace swallows frustrations as the purity of the soul fills each entry. My memory opens more fully to the spiritual impression of the moment than the fine details which are certainly important in their own respective sphere. I pray that I might remember to include my testimony a little more.
My first few classes challenged my fortitude. They dragged on forever and I kept falling asleep. Eric smacked my elbow. Emily made a comment about my snoozing. Did Ruth ask me if I enjoyed my nap today, or was that another day? My favorite part of the morning—Dr. Jones making a cameo appearance in Theatre History to announce auditions for Berenice. I got so excited.
The rest of the day was pretty much work and later a fun FHE with dodgeball, crafts, and 4-square. I spent most of my time at the latter. The middle of the day brought a beautiful scripture study. Updating my gratitude journal, I opened my studies with a prayer. Supplication humbled my spirit, or at least sought such a goal. My heart asked the Lord certain questions, or rather posed questions for which I desired to find answers. Proceeding to further formulate those inquiries, I recorded them on the back of the first page to a newly created study journal. I’m focusing on faith right now; however, recent studies of Alma 32 prompted me to study hope—its relation to faith and how I might go about developing hope to strengthen my faith. Friday’s study encouraged me to study President Faust’s talk on Spiritual Nutrients and President Uchtdorf’s recent counsel on The Infinite Power of Hope. Today, I pursued the latter.
Humility invites inspiration that one otherwise misses. I think the Lord attempts to communicate to us, but our ears are not tuned to His frequency, we’re not paying attention. Nothing jumped out at me as a new revelation, yet I was fully engaged in the scripture study. I had questions and I felt directed to discover answers as dictated by God’s Holy Will. When we take the time to ponder the scriptures and meditate their meanings and significance, doors open, we peer into eternity, if only for a short time. I know that hope is a spiritual gift from God. He grants it as we humbly and sincerely seek it. Sustaining hope requires diligent effort. If we, if I, take the time to recognize God’s hand in life, how hope has been fulfilled in times past, confidence in the Lord’s desire and power to fulfill his promises matures. I dare say, it takes root. That confidence, that trust, that faith in God is the essence of hope. There are a number of promises I have hope for and in right now. I have hope that I will find a companion, that I will receive the blessings, challenges, and grace requisite for creating a celestial family. I hope that I will find my direction in academic and occupational pursuits. The Lord will provide the way. Today, I realized a supernal truth which granted me assurance in this whole relationship game. Hope is the assurance and confidence that the Atonement of Jesus Christ will provide us with the ability to receive eternal life. Since eternal life is the type of life that God lives and He resides in a celestial realm in the partnership relationship of a priesthood governed marriage, then hope is the assurance that the Atonement of Christ will provide me the grace to enjoy to blessings of marriage eventually. I just need patience. This gospel is one of peace and joy. I know of its truthfulness and sweet sublimity, satisfying serenity. Christ lives and I joined his spirit in sweet communion and tutorial this afternoon. It made a better day.
